


But First, The Darkness

by cinemariel



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Both of them would like to have sex with Rey, F/M, Kylo Ren Needs A Slap In The Face, Loss of Virginity, Resistance Spy Rey, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 22:41:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20608526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinemariel/pseuds/cinemariel
Summary: Rey’s heart had caught in her throat when she saw him. She fought the urge to lunge for his throat. To pummel him with her fists before he could react. He was bigger than her but maybe he was so confident in himself as a swordsman, he’d never learned to fight without it.She clenched her jaw, forcing herself to calm down. Fighting wasn’t the plan. The plan was to find out everything about the First Order as quickly as possible, then return to the Resistance. To Leia. To Finn. To the light.But first, the darkness.ORAfter the events of The Last Jedi, Rey returns to Kylo Ren as a Resistance Spy under the orders of General Leia Organa. Hoping to gather intelligence and perhaps harm the organization from within, Rey must put aside her anger and convince the most dangerous man in the world that she needs him and he needs her.





	But First, The Darkness

“Are you sure you can do it?” 

“No,” Rey answered, pulling her rucksack with her few belongings over her shoulder. “But it’s our only hope, so I have to try.” 

“Rey,” all traces of humor were gone from Leia’s eyes as she spoke barely above a whisper. “Bring him back if you can. But if it’s him or you…” 

“I won’t let it get to that,” Rey promised her before turning to go. The weight of her goodbyes to Leia and Finn weighed heavily on her as she slid into the Falcon’s escape pod. Even parting ways with Poe and Rose, who she’d just met had been painful. She’d tell no one about tearing up at the mournful beeps and boops BB8 had practically cooed at her feet when she hugged them all goodbye. 

A Resistance spy did not shed tears for droids or friends or even fallen mentors. Rey winced as the memory of Luke’s death sliced through her once more. He had stalled Kylo Ren so they could flee, she was sure he’d be furious to see her returning to the belly of the beast. But, in their short time together, she’d rarely made him happy… 

*** 

It was raining again on Ach-To. The last time Rey had seen it she couldn’t help but splash around in it a bit. A child of the desert, rain was precious to her. If she’d been a little girl or perhaps, just a more carefree version of herself at present, she’d tilt her head back to taste the droplets of water that soaked through her clothes as she walked to her old dwelling. 

Now she was in no mood to taste the raindrops. She needed to get to work. 

She entered the ruins small stone hut where she’d slept while she stayed with Luke. She shivered, as she inspected the wreckage. Before Luke had destroyed the hut, she’d shot a hole in it with her blaster when he had come to her through their bond. The bond Snoke had created between them. The bond Rey was hoping still existed. 

She couldn’t have risked reaching for him with Leia and the others around. But now… now it was safe. Now it was part of the plan. 

She sat on the bench trying to take shelter behind what remained of the wall and closed her eyes. She breathed in and out, she didn’t focus on her fear, the goose flesh on her skin, or the grief in her heart. She steeled herself and then reached out for the last person in the galaxy she wanted to see. 

She felt his energy, red hot and crackling like his lightsaber. He was angry. When wasn’t he? She could feel the way he’d just screamed himself raw in the back of her own throat. She steeled herself for the moment he felt her presence, rising shakily to her feet. He would yell. He’d demand to know why she’d run. Curse her for siding with the Resistance. Call her weak. 

_“Rey,”_ his voice broke, barely above a whisper. He whirled around to look at her, his hair tangling in front of his face. 

Now Rey wished he had yelled. She wanted to see the petulant and powerful Supreme Leader Kylo Ren who she was determined to destroy, not Ben Solo, the boy who’d lost everyone and everything. 

“Yes,” Rey choked out, forcing herself to meet his gaze. “It’s me. I’m—I’m here.” 

His arm darted out towards her and Rey stepped back reflexively, preparing herself for a fight. Grimacing, he fisted his gloved hands and returned them to his sides. What had he been trying to do? Grab her? Strike her? 

“What are you doing?” he asked, looking pointedly over her shoulder rather than meeting her eyes. Perhaps he was trying to discern her location so he could send the entire First Order to kill her. 

“Does your offer still stand?” she asked, trying to keep herself from fidgeting, knowing it would be a tell. “To bring order… together.” 

He met her eyes, shock flickering across his features before he could hide it. 

“Tell me where you are.” 

*** 

She tried trying to reconstruct her hut using the force with only marginal success while she waited for him. The basic structure was up but the wind and rain whipped at her through the cracks, until her teeth chattered. 

He arrived in less than an hour alone in his TIE Silencer. Rey’s heart had caught in her throat when she saw him. She fought the urge to lunge for his throat. To pummel him with her fists before he could react. He was bigger than her but maybe he was so confident in himself as a swordsman, he’d never learned to fight without it. 

She clenched her jaw, forcing herself to calm down. Fighting wasn’t the plan. The plan was to find out everything about the First Order as quickly as possible, then return to the Resistance. To Leia. To Finn. To the light. 

But first, the darkness. 

She held her arms out, palms up in a gesture of peace. 

“I’m unarmed,” she called out to him, her voice sounded strangled and unnatural. The rain soaked her to the skin, plastering her hair to her scalp. 

He didn’t speak, instead he walked right past her and inside the poorly rebuilt stone structure where he’d only been in Rey’s mind. The place they’d touched hands briefly before Luke barged in yelling. If they’d been able to speak, to finish their conversation… what would have happened? 

Rey stood there, rain running down her face in rivulets. Was she supposed to follow him? Were reinforcements coming? Was he going to kill her? Interrogate her? Her stomach was tangled in knots. And the only way she was going to deal with this uncertainty, was to face the most volatile and powerful man in the galaxy. 

She took in a shaky breath, and walked inside after him. 

Kylo sat on the stone bench, hunched over, his forearms on his knees. He looked up at her through his dark mop of hair, his full lips struggling to form words. 

“Why?” 

_“You’re not alone,” he had told her a few days before in this exact same hut. She’d been shivering from what she’d seen in the cave. Infinite copies of herself stretching out into eternity. As if every possible version of her life ended the same. Alone._

_“Neither are you,” she’d murmured back, grateful to him because she knew he wasn’t just saying this. And neither was she. _

“Why?” Rey repeatedly, dumbly. 

“Why have you brought me here?” he growled. “I asked you to join me, I offered you everything and you left. What am I supposed to believe has changed?” 

“Everything,” she snapped at him, tears biting at the corners of her eyes. “Everything has changed. When you asked me to join you, I had a home. A teacher to return to. A purpose. And now…” 

She looked down at the dirt floor of the hut and sucked in a long, shaky breath. This was the moment she had to be perfect. This was when she would either convince him or she wouldn’t. There was no room for error. 

“Luke’s dead,” she blinked, letting the tears stream down her cheeks. “Projecting himself… it was too much.” 

She snuck a glance at him, knowing that if she saw even a shred of triumph in his eyes she’d have to bite down on her tongue until it bled to keep from clawing at him. But all he did was stare ahead blankly. There wasn’t a fight in the galaxy Kylo Ren was afraid of. But Ben Solo… when trouble came, he ran. Rey was telling him his uncle had died and he was responding by refusing to let himself live in that reality. 

“He was the last,” his voice was impassive even if his hands were clenched in fists. 

“There’s no one left to train me,” Rey turned her gaze toward him. She felt a perverse desire rise up inside her. She wanted to force him to feel the loss she was feeling. If she couldn’t escape from the pain, he shouldn’t be able to either. 

“What about my m—“ Ben caught himself. “What about General Organa?” 

“She’s sensitive to the Force, yes,” Rey conceded. “But she has bigger things to do than teach me.” 

He huffed an angry laugh, as though he found that very funny. Rey knew that Leia blamed herself for her son’s turn. If she’d only paid more attention than maybe her boy wouldn’t have strayed… 

Rey had gone her whole life without attention and look at her. Still, no murders under her belt. Rage was boiling inside her and threatening to spill out through her either her mouth or her fists. 

“You’re angry,” Kylo’s eyes were alight with interest. And this was most definitely Kylo Ren looking at her and not Ben Solo. The crackling energy of his hunger for the darkness inside her was unmistakable. Heady, even, in it’s intensity. 

He rose, crossing the room to meet her in just two strides of his long legs. Rey felt her knees weaken and could feel the blood thrumming through her veins. Their connection was still strong, so she could feel his focus on her. It hummed along her skin, making her shiver. 

“Of course I’m angry,” Rey choked out, feeling the lump in her throat threaten to suffocate her. “If I hadn’t left him—“ 

“If you hadn’t left him,” he interrupted, his voice quiet. “Both of you would have been here and Snoke and his army would have killed every single one of your friends.” 

Rey stifled a sob. She looked down at their feet. Her worn brown boots next to his shiny black ones. How had they gotten here? How had he managed to feel closer when he was halfway across the galaxy? 

“Would you rather be dead?” he asked, his voice quiet and even like he was coaxing a wounded animal. 

_I’d rather you were dead, _ she thought. But that wasn’t something she could say out loud. 

“I can feel it,” he told her, his eyes searching her expression for answers. “Your anger, sadness, loneliness. Why are you here? Why find me?” 

_Because I’m a spy sent here because I’m the only person in the Resistance that could possibly get through to you. _

“Because you’re my only hope,” she answered, holding her breath and willing him to believe her. “My last chance to learn what I can really do. And I’m willing to listen if you’re willing to teach me.” 

She held out her hand to him for the second time in this hut on this island. And just like the first time, she wanted him to take it more than anything. And once again, he took it.


End file.
